Freedom within constraints. Self-control

Original version (ru): https://khitov.com/freedom-within-constraints-ru/

Three months ago, I gave myself my word to live this year as a grand experiment in discipline and self-control. I implemented an extremely simple framework: a commitment contract + public accountability. My whole life is out in the open: every day, I provide a summary of my actions, habits, spending, nutrition, and experiments. In reality, only dry reports are visible to the reader. All the beauty happens behind the scenes.

Before planning the challenges for the next period, I will share some important observations. The attempt to perfect the framework has been a series of not always successful decisions, but extremely important conclusions.

A New Way of Inner Motivation

Without rejecting the idea of an external commitment contract, I increasingly realize that the success of my experiment depends in equal measure on an internal desire for change. For the past few weeks, there has been a mantra I repeat to myself every day — a reminder that the path to self-control lies in the ability to say "no" to the impulses of desire.

Over time, there are fewer and fewer "things" in my life that hold power over me. Neuroplasticity helps break the connections that formed addictions over the years. Three months without alcohol, substances, gaming, or porn. At first, I was even able to get bursts of pleasure from self-control, but at some point, it simply becomes life "by default." Should I remove these points from the financial contract? No, absolutely not. On the contrary, I should raise the stakes — rock-solid boundaries that will save me when the unpredictability of the future strikes.

Right now, I am in a sort of transitional state. A transition from being able to get a high from satisfying immediate needs and passive consumption to the high of successfully saying "no" in any situation whatsoever. The ability to surrender to boredom. The ability to exert a slight active effort when the brain resists and causes pain. Even the ability to go to the bathroom without a phone.

The point isn't to give up simple human pleasures. The point is to learn how to focus your attention on the things that truly matter to you. To live a meaningful life under your control, rather than one dictated by random environmental events. Deep self-control is an absolutely essential skill on the path to the "Higher Self."

Morning Promises

Recently, I "invented" an effective way to help myself control the impulses of desire. In the morning, I write a list in my journal of things I intend to do (or not do) today. Important: I start each point with the words "I promise...".

The commitment contract is long-term. It has many points, and it’s easy to forget about them in a moment of temptation. Morning promises are the simplest way to remind yourself of what truly matters today. Moreover, it's a free way to train your willpower.

Here is a specific example:

• Passive:
  • I promise not to eat desserts, coffee with added sugar, or sweets.
  • I promise not to drink coffee after 1:00 PM.
  • I promise not to touch my face with my hands.
  • I promise not to watch news that doesn't concern me.
  • I promise not to eat after 6:00 PM.
• Active:
  • I promise to do 15 minutes of morning exercises.
  • I promise to practice music for at least 30 minutes.
  • I promise to take a contrast shower.
  • I promise to work out for at least 30 minutes.
  • I promise to go to bed before midnight.

It’s very important that these promises are made only in the morning and only for the day ahead. We all know that any promises made in the evening to do something tomorrow (wake up early, finish a project, go to the gym) are worthless and pure deception. Likewise, promises made in the morning for a different day ("starting Monday," "by summer," etc.) are just dreams and plans; failing them doesn't carry a painful sense of responsibility in the present.

So far, it’s working. Not perfectly, but I’m satisfied. Every time an impulsive urge arises (for example, the urge to eat a croissant), there’s a high probability I’ll remember the promise I made in the morning. At that moment, you are at a crossroads: to break your promise or to keep it. There are moments when I simply forget about a promise — there's nothing wrong with that, I'll just be more attentive next time. There are also moments when I have to break a promise consciously. After all, trillions of events occur in a day, any of which could make an alternative action more attractive in this game.

Overall, the tool is useful. I continue to use it for things that don't make sense to add to the commitment contract because of their changing nature (these are just things that are important to me specifically today).

Sport #1

Three months ago, I wiped out on my bike and couldn't get out of bed for a while. It was only last week that I overcame the fear of tearing a muscle again during a strength movement. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve returned to sports after yet another injury. The old ones don’t just heal on their own, so I’m returning more carefully and progressively than ever.

I won’t write much about the benefits of sports for mental health and, of course, discipline. Exercise should be a default state of life. Strength, cardio, and mobility should just be part of existence, no questions asked.

As always, the hardest part is the first steps, when you have to accept that your past form must be regained from scratch. Finding more workarounds for old injuries every time. This is where unnecessary questions arise. This is where the public contract comes in to help, nudging me toward these uncomfortable actions until they become routine again.

Challenges Must Be Measurable and Clear

One of my challenges in March was: "Invest more effort into creating a product and work on it daily." Now I realize that this is an unfeasible contract condition. Challenges must be atomic, measurable, and clear. They should contain an element of technique, strategy, or controlled action. In my poorly phrased challenge, there are too many unknowns: the end result is unknown, the steps to reach it are unknown, and the best action for the day ahead is unknown. There is only an approximate direction.

Because of the vague wording, I can't even say for sure if I really put in enough effort every day to consider the contract successfully fulfilled. I suppose so — excluding my planned vacation, I spent hours every day analyzing matters of discipline. Evidence of this is the miles of daily notes and this very article.

I am increasingly concluding that the commitment contract—these rigid external boundaries — is perfectly suited for passive challenges ("I must not..."), whereas active tasks should be motivated both internally and externally. Therefore, for creative and non-linear actions, I will build a slightly different support system.

A Poor Environment is a Guarantee of Failure

By a poor environment, I don't just mean toxic people (though they come first). Rather, it's the physical things that hijack our focus and drain our resource of willpower.

• A box of chocolates in the fridge.
• A phone by the bed at night.
• A party at a club where half of your acquaintances are drinking.
• Evening boredom in front of a laptop screen.

Chekhov's gun. If a trigger is physically present before your eyes, it is guaranteed to go off. You are guaranteed to make an attempt to exert willpower to resist the impulse. If your resource is depleted, you are doomed to fail.

In my worldview, it cannot work any other way. Especially when the "trigger-action" loop has long since become an addiction. The task of purging your environment is quite difficult. By removing some triggers, we subconsciously shift our attention to others, to new ones, because the brain needs something to latch onto to avoid boredom. Boredom is lethal.

Leaving only "useful" triggers likely won't work. And for now, this remains an unsolved question of this grand experiment: how not to waste willpower in situations where the environment drains it through the temptation to deviate from the trajectories of the life you want, which you yourself have mapped out. I will dedicate the next month to trying to find an answer.

There is No Easy Way

If an easy path to finding happiness existed, it would be available to everyone. It is then obvious that it does not exist. That which comes to us without the investment of effort holds no value.

To find pleasure in the daily struggle, to find the meaning of life in it. I perceive every day as an opportunity and an attempt to find answers to the wise childhood question, "why?" Perhaps I should be glad that the number of such questions is inexhaustible. This means that I will be able to find meaning indefinitely.

Long-Term Planning

The future is too unpredictable. What difference does it make where and how I will be in that future? What matters is how I will feel. And that is internal work on oneself in the moment, in today. A one-day planning horizon is still a wonderful opportunity to live, and this time I will reconsider my original thought about the carefree year that has passed.

To make sure my lifestyle is right, I formed a vision of life five years from now. Funny enough, the resulting ten-item list exactly matches my daily intentions now. As if it were the result of a confident repetition of today for five years. The madness of repetition or the genius of consistency and discipline? To define the necessary vectors for years ahead and not stray from them.

Nine out of ten long-term plans are about forming an internal core. Working on the character traits that seem important to me now. One exception is expressing myself in some external project. Art that fills life with meaning. I formed these plans quite impulsively and unconsciously, simply pulling them from the depths of my soul. And now, the decision to focus on exactly one external manifestation of mastery and accelerate progress toward it ninefold feels absolutely right.

I wrote about the life values I rely on in my daily movement toward goals on the Life Manifesto page.

I also plan to move away from monthly lists of challenges in favor of flexible intervals, where each individual challenge has its own start and end date. This way, I can add them on the fly and eliminate unnecessary complications, such as losing relevance or planned vacations.